Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"Grave Thoughts"

So it is 5am, usually this is the time I am getting up to get ready for work. But for today I have not even gone to bed. I have have been up since 10am and I am still going strong. I am working a grave yard shift tonight, I thought I would hate it but I have greatly enjoyed the time I have had to think and get caught up on somethings I would not have had the time to do other wise. With only an hour left and not much else I can do I thought I would pass the time by up dating my blog. So here it goes--
For the last week I have been working non-stop. I have put in doubles almost every day and at times got a little sleep(which we all know is never good, I have also got upset at how things at work have been. While sitting here I really have reflected on that and I think it is time to move on. This matter has been weighing on my mind a lot lately and last week it really surfaced. I find my self being harsh and at times really mean to the people I care about the most. To those of you that I have hurt by my harshness and my stinging attitude I am so sorry. I have never been like this and I don't like what I have become. In the attempt to fix the broken me I have been searching for a new job, which is not going as well as planned. some things are finally falling into place though. Cedar City is keeping me at a stand still. I can not move up in my job, I have no way of getting more education, and many of my good friends have moved on to bigger and better city's in hopes to find them selves as well. So it is about time I follow suit.

Monday, August 10, 2009

GEMS!!!

There are only a few people in the world that you meet that become your bestest friends. The momnent you meet them you know you will be freinds forever, I have 3. These 3 wonderful women have pulled me up when I was down, have helped crack me out of my shell and have been there for me at every turn. Most of all these wonderful people I am blessed to call my friends are answers to prayers. It amazes me how often they are there when I need a shoulder to cry on a listening ear or just some one to pass the time with. I like to call them my gem friends because they are precious and rare.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Field Trip






My Cute nephew and I got to spend a full day together. We went to the dinosaur museum and had lots of fun. We got to uncover hidden dinosaurs and play in the dirt, we saw really big fish and almost got eaten by a shark. We even got to see some really big dinosaurs(dead ones of course). Zackary even got to pick out a toy, Rat and Snake will forever friends and be a constant reminder of how COOL Aunt Jo really is.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

What no one tells you....





Back in May I accomplished something that I never thought I would do, I walked across a stage in front of millions of people in commemoration of 4+ years of hard work. After jumping from one University to another trying to find my niche as well as changing my major more then once I finally reach my goal. On the 5th day of May 2009 I Stacey Jo Phillips received my Bachelors of Art in Psychology. It was a beautiful day filled with family and friends who were all there to congratulate me. Unknown to everyone else I had finished with my schooling back in December and had been and still am looking for a job in my field.
I grew up my whole life thinking that if I went to school but in my time and studied hard everything would fall into place for me at the end. When I say this I mean that after I had my BA it would be easy to find a job and I would be free sailing. What they ( the wise people that had gone before) failed to tell me was that it was not as easy as I thought it would be and that if I was planning on stopping with just my BA in Psychology it was going to be a DEAD END.
Now after I have been out of school for almost a year and the student loans are now due I still have yet to find a job in the ever disappearing world of social service. So now I guess a decision needs to be made either take the GRE and move on and get my masters or stay in the same dead end job that I have had since 2006. I think this is a no brainier.
So something that has been no my mind the last few weeks is the fact that I have some amazing examples in my life. I have two loving parents that were married in the temple and have 5 great kids that are all active in the church. I have amazing grandparents that have taught my parents the gospel in order for them to teach us kids. I have aunts and uncles that are strong in their marriages and in the gospel. So with all of these amazing examples why is it so hard. why can't I seem to make a decision,why when life seems good and you think that you have it all figured out then something comes along that makes you rethink what you have always known. I'm not talking about my testimony I know that the Church is true. I'm talking about the constant reminder that YES I'm single and, that it is not easy. My grandparents, parents and aunt and uncles found love and made things work why is it so hard to find for me? Even now that I am dating someone 3000 miles away from me (Which is another story all together) it is even harder. ans I'm still having people try and make my choices for me. I thought we fought for the right to choose in the preexistence, but were is my choice now. My mom and his mom had their dream wedding and got to make all the choices on there own. They got to have it were they wanted and how they wanted it WHY CAN'T I? I'm not saying that I'm getting married or that there is even a ring on my finger or even the prospect at this time. I am saying that I want to make the choices. I don't know maybe it is not worth the constant struggle and the battle and the whole thing is a waist of time. but it is something that as a young girl you dream about your whole life. I just want it to be my way and be my perfect day. AHHHHHH!!! I really have no more to say I think I have talked this one to death, and still I have no answers. I guess the only answer is patients, cause that is the answer I always get. So until my next freak out about the relationship that I am in and have no idea where it is taking me advice is welcomed.